Dear Jeni,

Would you say that George W. Bush is a great president, or the greatest president?

signed,
SC

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Dear SC,

Greatness lies in inspiration, so Bush is not the greatest president. After all, what has he inspired, other than dogged devotion, venomous hatred, and (of course) a Michael Moore propaganda extravaganza? What sort of paltry accomplishments are these? The greatest president of all time is the little known Turnips for Tots founder and president J. Edgar Hunger. Though his own charitable endeavors floundered for reasons that have yet to be fully articulated and analyzed, he inspired a much more successful charity for children with a similar name.

But perhaps you were referring to the greatest U.S. President. The greatest U.S. President was James Garfield, who indirectly inspired the world's most lovable and tricksy feline, Garfield. Garfield the cat was named after James Garfield Davis (grandfather of the cartoonist Jim Davis), who was named after President Garfield. Garfield the cat unites people of every race, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and citizenship in their devoted fan-dom. What better legacy could a person hope for?

Jeni