Dear Jeni,

The time on my VCR keeps changing. Sometimes it is only about 30 minutes off; other times it is off by several hours. What should I do?

Cordially,
H.G. Wells

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Dear Mr. Wells,

Clearly, your VCR is possessed by a demon of the most dangerous sort. The only reliable way to deal with such a situation is to perform an equally dangerous exorcism. But, beware that your VCR may not survive the ordeal.

That noted, here is what you should do. Wait until after sunset. Collect bells to ring and ancient incense to burn. Light the incense so that the fumes spread out all about the attacking spirit located in the VCR, and walk around it several times ringing one or more bells. Proceed to banish the negative emotional energy through chants of your choice (either religious or new age). Then attack the spirit directly through verbal commands spoken loudly and firmly and through nonverbal commands spoken telepathically. As the spirit is leaving, the counsellee (i.e., the VCR) shall shake most violently. This is to be expected. Continue with the verbal commands until the spirit leaves, an event which should be exceedingly obvious and needs no description. Traditionally, you should then administer soothing ointments and words to the counsellee. In your particular case, you might consider omitting the ointments; the VCR might not take kindly to them.

Best of luck to you. And by all means, write back to tell us all how the exorcism goes and the fate of the hapless VCR.

Jeni