Dear Jeni,

You recently told my mother to cash in her bonds; then you advised her to vagabond across Europe. Well, thanks! Now she's gone, the cat's are hungry, and dishes are piling up in the sink. And WHAT'S THAT SMELL?!

--Anonymous

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Dear Anonymous,

What on earth are you doing writing to me when you should be feeding the cats and packing up their belongings so that they too may go vagabonding far away from the dishes and the smell? It is quite unmannerly of you to subject your innocent cats to hunger, boredom, and filth.
For shame!

Jeni