Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Dear Jeni,

I am currently dying of nothing. Which Vicotorian illness do you think best suits a middle class woman and gentle bearing but unplumbed strength--dropsy or vapors?

--Anonymous

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Dear Anonymous Victorian,

Both illnesses are quite proper to your bearing and social status and should be indulged in frequently, though never at the same time. The more pressing concern, however, is the issue of treatment. Bloodletting should be considered an all-purpose treatment for such illnesses, especially in cases where it induces swooning. Best acquire a fine porcelain bowl to place under your arm before bleeding. Should you have difficulty finding an adequately delicate bowl while in your enfeebled state, leeches will suffice. It is advisable that you go recline forthwith upon a velvet chaise, and do remember, my dear, that observing such proper formalities in treatment is essential to maintaining the dignity of your illness.

--Jeni

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