Dear Jeni,

I'm stumped. What should my New Year's resolution be?

--Anonymous

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Dear Anonymous,

New Year's resolutions are some of the least important decisions that most people ever make. Resolve cannot be summoned on a whim. It comes only when you are already devoted to something. Rather than thinking about resolution in terms of what you desire for the future, you should try thinking of it in terms of your past and present actions. What are you already doing regularly? These actions reveal your current resolutions as well as your real desires. New Year's resolutions frequently reflect flimsy desires--things that you would like if you could obtain them without too much effort. So I declare that you should make only the most ridiculous resolutions for the new year. I personally recommend resolving to indulge frequently in clandestine games of badminton played drunkenly at night with pecans. Cheers!

Jeni