Thursday, April 26, 2007

Dear Jeni,

So what am I gonna do with all these green onions?



Dear Unsigned,

You have a variety of acceptable options:

1. Tie them in bouquets and give them out as May Day flowers.
2. Curse them and sell them on eBay as "haunted vegetables."
3. Mail a large box of them to your enemies and see what
4. Build an enormous man by weaving the onions together,
encapsulate inside it your favorite sacrificial animals, and
set it afire to appease the pagan gods of spring.

Have fun.


Friday, April 13, 2007


What will me do without Vonnegut??????



Dear BP,

It is difficult to say. Perhaps now would be the appropriate time to hurl yourself from that bridge you've been eyeing recently.